April 2024

 

Some of us are too good at being angry, but some of us don’t allow ourselves to get angry enough. As a hypnotherapist, I know from working with clients what the consequences of decades of repressing emotions, especially anger, can do to our health. If you don’t believe me, just read When the Body Says No, by Gabor Mate.

 

Avoiding, repressing, distracting, rejecting our anger does not make it go away. Emotions are energy that gets stored in our body, and over time anger, in all its shades, irritation, annoyance, impatience and righteous indignation, can become stuck in our body and accumulate as dense energy that puts a burden on our tissues, joints and organs.

 

This creates a huge internal stressor to every cell in our body because there is only so much anger our body can hold before it starts manifesting in physical ways.  Years of unexpressed, buried anger can leave our body vulnerable to diseases and serious chronic conditions.

 

If we were born into homes where our caregivers were angry, abusive people what we learn is that anger is unsafe and that making people angry isn’t safe. And this belief, that gets planted in our subconscious when we are very young and lack wise understanding and maturity, follows us into adulthood. So, we can unconsciously avoid making others angry or avoid getting angry ourselves, because what we learned is that anger can be dangerous and unpredictable.

 

Believing that anger is unsafe and doing whatever it takes so people don’t get mad at us may have protected us as children from violence, but it does us a great disservice as adults. Clients who learned at a very young age to believe that angry people are bad, and they are good people who never get angry, that it isn’t safe to displease others, so they have to protect themselves by always saying yes, feel very uncomfortable admitting they get angry and setting and reinforcing personal boundaries. It’s easy to see how holding on to this belief can make us very unhappy adults.

 

But how can we learn to express anger in healthy ways if we don’t allow ourselves to feel it?

 

All emotions can serve us in some way and anger is no exception. It can be a useful emotion because anger motivates us to make things fair. Useful anger has a good intention and serves a purpose when it inspires us to address injustices. Useful anger helps us to develop and protect our boundaries and stand up for ourselves the moment someone is behaving unfairly towards us. But once it has served its purpose, we must learn to give ourselves permission to let it go. Otherwise, we can unconsciously keep carrying it into our future and become angry people. It becomes useless, mindless anger.

 

I teach clients the very important distinction between mindful and mindless anger. We see angry people losing control, so we reject feeling angry because we want to stay in control. However, the truth is, that mindful, healthy anger, is very different from rage.

Acting out by lashing out, behaving and speaking in disrespectful ways, and acting out in hostile, abusive ways expresses rage not anger. Interestingly, the anger still remains. We may have given vent to it, but mindlessly acting out our anger is very different from expressing it. Our body usually doesn’t feel better afterwards; it doesn’t feel the relief that a genuine, healthy release can bring. It just feels exhausted.

Suppressed, mindless, unregulated anger leaves us vulnerable to rage and rage is devoid of purpose and wisdom. Rage leaves us feeling out of control, but when we learn to voice anger mindfully, we stay in control.

 

I teach clients that it is unnecessary and unhelpful to act out in order to express our anger. Mindful Anger has wisdom; it can be expressed calmly and wisely. All we have to say is, I am angry…in a clear, calm voice. Anger can be felt and expressed mindfully, calmly without acting out and without hurting anyone.

 

I teach clients that it’s safe to get in touch with their anger when they invite mindfulness to wisely guide the part of them that feels angry. We can choose to express our anger to protect our boundaries, protect our energy levels, protect our rights without invading, encroaching or causing harm to anyone’s else’s.

 

There are those whose relationship with anger represents the other extreme. Their bodies are way too familiar with that emotion, and the subconscious tends to hang on to the familiar. Feeding, hanging on to our anger can become a habit that means well, but only serves to make us a prisoner of our own feelings. And if we refuse to set ourselves free of our anger, it is anger that will live our life for us.

We can unconsciously believe that when we stay mad at the angry people who hurt us, we protect ourselves from their anger and from becoming like them. The sad truth is that when we hold on to our anger to punish someone, we only end up punishing ourselves. Our body pays a huge price.  

 

When we can’t stop feeling angry at someone, they have power over us. And the only way to reclaim our power, our freedom, is to let it go.

So how do we acknowledge and release our anger in a helpful and healthy way?  

 

I use a powerful tool called EFT or tapping to help clients process their anger. The science and research are evidence enough that it works, but it is through my experience with clients that I discovered how effective it is.  

However, something we can do to start releasing a little of that anger is simply this: Start by setting an intention to let it go.

Visualization is powerful because what we vividly imagine, we make real in our body. Our nervous system can’t tell the difference between what is real and what is imagined. We can connect with any shade of anger by sensing where we feel it in our body and simply voice aloud, I am letting this … anger, irritation, annoyance, go…

Imagine that feeling as a color and really feel, see it leaving your body from wherever you feel it or through any exit point you wish, the crown of your head, your heart, your feet, etc.

​

​

April 2023

​

I once read that we create our own reality, and I wondered what the heck does that mean? If our life is everything we don’t want, does this mean we are creating what we don’t want on purpose? Creating is tricky because so much of it is done not by design but by accident, quite unintentionally. Our mind creates far too much of what we do not want if what we do not want is all we ever think about.

 

Thoughts create what we experience. Our internal dialogue, what happens in our imagination, what we tell ourselves, what we think about …all these things create a bio-chemical, physiological reaction somewhere in your body that your organs can feel, that every cell in your body experiences. 

 

We create our own reality by believing. Beliefs create what we experience. I believe that everything happens for a reason because this makes my disappointments and failures feel better in my mind and in my body. To create good things from bad things, we must be bold enough to believe that even a bad thing can lead us to a good place. Your beliefs create your life and create your ability to attract situations and people that confirm them. If you do not find pleasure in what they bring, exchange your beliefs for those which create greater comfort.

Not complaining about the bad life we have seems counterintuitive…after all, if something isn’t right we should complain about it, right? Wrong. If someone were to ask the Universe about that, it would probably say, we need to find the one good thing in that life, however tiny, and focus on it, give thanks for it…Give thanks for all the good things we want, like we already have them.

 

We claim we want a good life, but if all we ever do is complain about the bad life that never changes then that is what we inadvertently keep creating. We are always training our brain, like a dog but don’t realize it. We are always training it to prove us right or wrong depending on what we believe. So if you want to believe that things are changing for the better, train your brain to prove you right.

 

Every day, as many times as you can, even if it’s only once, make it prove you right, make it look hard, not in the obvious places, for evidence that things are changing for the better. Search for one good thing that happened in a place you usually would not look because you take it for granted. Make your brain find the one not so good thing that had a silver lining; train it to go in search for that positive thing, no matter how small, no matter how insignificant it may seem to you. Celebrate it like it was a big thing. If you want that reality to be a little calmer, train your brain to go in search for that spec of calm in that mass of overwhelm.

 

The way we look at anything creates our life. Proving you are good enough creates a life called proving yourself good enough. It seldom moves past that because our sense of not being good enough puts up a powerful barricade. Reaching the prized reality called I proved my worthiness rarely happens because proving to the ego as well as other people that we are worthy is just too exhausting. To my way of thinking, choosing to believe I am born good enough regardless of what my mistakes, my ego and others may want me to believe just makes things easier and life happier. Choosing to grow the belief that we are good enough is a swifter, far more effective way to create the reality we yearn for. Because when we accept our perceived failures, flaws, and mistakes as part of learning and evolving and choose to still believe we are good enough with or without them, we create a far better life.

 

Your body as part of the subconscious mind, is attached to the familiar, even the not so good familiar and will want to keep creating that. If being unhappy becomes as familiar to you as the face you see in the mirror, your brain may predict more unhappiness, and you may come to expect it. My sister likes to say that being unhappy is the easiest thing in the world because it requires no effort. This is neurologically true. Our primitive brain is primed for it, because to its way of thinking being happy can’t keep us alive but being worried can. And if you factor in the brain’s penchant for negativity, you may be listening to that voice that says if you are unhappy today, you may be miserable tomorrow. So, it becomes almost effortless to create unhappiness.

 

If you want to start creating a different reality but feel you are stuck in a not so good one, start imagining your future differently every day. If you are unhappy, then start imagining you are happy. In order for your body to keep re-experiencing happiness more easily your cells need to remember what happiness is like so it can become more familiar to your mind and body. If we want our reality to be happier, we have to practice being happy. And if that’s only possible in your imagination, then start there. But here’s the thing, to start changing your reality you have to create that imagined happiness every day.  

 

I teach my clients to do this with something called Future Pacing. I ask the client to step into the future, to imagine it in detail. When we vividly imagine our future, we bring it to life in our body because our nervous system, our brain think it’s happening for real in the present moment. What would you be doing, and who would you be doing it with? What would you be believing from the bottom of your heart? And how would this belief be changing your thinking, your habits, your behavior? Visualize that body language, those facial expressions, listen to yourself speaking differently, see yourself acting the way you want. When you feel this imagined happiness, it triggers the same wonderful endorphins as the real one. Remember that the future you can change your present reality just as the present you can change your future reality.

 

To our way of thinking imagining our desired reality may not be as satisfying as experiencing it for real, but what we need to remember is that when we trick our mind-body into thinking and feeling that change has already arrived something interesting happens. Our reality starts to change. What we create in our imagination can indeed create our reality; suddenly all those good things we imagined can start coming true. Don’t believe me? Try it, and let me know what happens.

 

February 2023

The Magic of You

 

Valentine’s Day is all about expressing love for the people in our life and celebrating that affection and appreciation with flowers, chocolate, and beautiful cards. But did you write yourself a card, treat yourself to your favorite flowers or to a lovely dinner, just for one? We seem to think that meals can only be enjoyed if they are shared but being able to enjoy the sole pleasure of our company on Valentine’s Day is something to celebrate.

 

Why is it that we are encouraged to love others and not take them for granted, but take ourselves for granted and forget to express that same love towards ourselves? Exploring this answer can remind us that our capacity to express love in a healthy way is often a reflection of our own capacity to love ourselves well.  

 

Cultivating greater mindfulness can help us remember that celebrating self-love is what can open our hearts to the greatest love of all. And the greatest love of all happens when we learn to love and embrace the part of us that we don’t like very much, the part of us that makes too many mistakes, worries too much, eats too much, yells too much, the part of us that gets insecure when it’s supposed to stay confident, and that gets scared when it’s supposed to stay calm.

 

As human beings we buy into the belief that once we have achieved enough, once we fix our bodies, faces, personalities, then we can love ourselves more. But what about those parts of us that aren’t good enough, successful enough, attractive enough? It’s easy to love the successful overachiever in us, but harder to love the insecure, anxious part that failed us. The parts of us that most need love are the ones that go without love. Sadly, we withhold it because we consider them less deserving, less worthy. But we were all born with the power to change that.

 

What if we can love our perfectly imperfect self now and dare to keep that love in our hearts permanently. Despite of and because of others who may say we are not worthy of so much love, and the disempowering critic and judge in our head that says we have not earned it yet.

 

There is so much magic in every one of us. And the magician in us has the power to conjure love out of thin air, for no reason at all. We don’t need a good reason to love ourselves; love isn’t a prize we bestow when we have succeeded and earned praise from others. We are powerful enough to choose to love every part of us that feels afraid and less than good enough, withhold the judgement, accept it exactly as it is, and give it compassionate healing love.

 

This February 14 give all the vulnerable parts of you a little or a lot of loving, just for the sheer wonder of it. Celebrate this love alone, just for a few minutes.

 

Smile and give yourself a hug; hug that lonely, criticized and rejected part of you tightly and really make it feel that tender, compassionate, and supportive love. Or close your eyes and use your imagination to wrap yourself in a beautiful glittery red color…and say, those 3 powerful words, I love you... Do this and discover the Magic of You.

​

December 2022

The Art of Generosity

 

“Be the source…You should give what you wish to receive.” Neale Donald Walsch

Generosity can be woven into the fabric of every little thing we give or don't give. Consider this, what you do not give may be more telling of your generosity than what you do. When we choose not to give someone a hard time, even though they screwed up, we are being generous. By not giving vent to impatience when someone is clumsy and bumps into you, you are generous with your patience. When we refrain from judging others and try putting ourselves in their shoes, we are generous with our understanding and empathy.  

 

When we are stingy with our blame and criticism, we are generous. When I am tempted to make someone feel guilty or feel badly about something they did or said, I remind myself to be generous and reign in that impulse.

Sometimes a relatively insignificant gesture on our part can have a profound impact on someone else. Detaching from our own thoughts long enough to offer a few supportive words to the person in 12b who appears nervous about flying or giving an understanding nod and sincere smile of sympathy to the stranger who just mentioned she was undergoing chemotherapy are gestures of generosity even if you consciously did not intend them as such. You'd brush it off as nothing, chances are they would not.

 

Any gesture of kindness is a gesture of generosity. When we’re kind we don’t usually think we’re being generous when in fact we are giving someone else a nice moment.

 

People we love often push our buttons, so this holiday season express your generosity, in a different way. Set an intention to make your love generous enough, strong enough to overrule or curb those automatic reactions that sometimes have you behaving or speaking in ways you quickly regret.   

 

I believe our capacity to give should start with ourselves, and the biggest gift we can give ourselves can’t be wrapped or bought. It is a generosity of spirit, a loving and thoughtful intention to treat ourselves to whatever it is we wish for others. If you want to give someone a wonderful Christmas, give yourself the same thing. I’ve met incredibly giving people who would not think twice about spending generously on someone else’s gift but never treat themselves to the same amount of thoughtful generosity. So, take time out to do something you seldom do or never do for yourself. Make it a Christmas tradition.

 

I think that Giving wisely is about giving with awareness. Observing ourselves and our generosity without judgment and asking ourselves if our giving is motivated by obligation, self-interest, guilt, tradition, or a genuine spirit of sharing. Whatever, the answer is, it shouldn’t shame us, but rather motivate us to give more with our heart, rather than with our head.

 

The present moment offers us a steady bounty of opportunities to be generous. We don’t need to have money to be generous every day. There is no greater gift of generosity than a willingness to forgive. We can be generous with our praise, generous with our time, our encouragement and support, our compassion, our wise understanding, generous with our love and generous with our desire to make a difference, however tiny, in someone’s day and in our own.

 

These are all things we would want to give and receive not just at Christmas but every day of the year.

​

September 2022

​

What I Know For Sure 

The marvelous Oprah Winfrey inspired me to write and share a list of all the things I know for sure.

*I know for sure that emotional pain does not like to share the space inside us and will not move over unless we force it to make room for other emotions like hope, love and contentment. If hurt is inevitable, then let the inevitability of healing be present as well.

*Being right is often more important than being happy because the phrase, I told you so, is like a jolt of power to the ego.

*Loving yourself unconditionally does not mean loving yourself despite the way you are or despite the way you look. I think it means loving yourself because of it. To experience the full power of Love, practice loving yourself with a ferocity that humbles and conquers judgment, self-blame, self-criticism, and resurrects compassion and loving acceptance.

*Love is not a dog biscuit. You don't dole it out as a reward, and you don't withhold it as punishment.

*Our brain cannot keep secrets from the rest of our body. Even our toes know what's going on in our head and in our life. Every cell in our body keeps track of daily events and conversations.

*It pays to treat your brain like a puppy. Lovingly but firmly, begin to train it, coax it into behaving in ways you approve. Some brains are hardwired for worry or unhappiness, but it’s never too late to retrain our brain.

*The problem with hope is that it carries an element of doubt, however tiny, that something may or may not happen. For people like me who have a fear of uncertainty, hope isn’t as comforting as I’d like it to be, so I’d rather cultivate trust, the certainty that whatever does happen will ultimately earn a place in my life that I will come to appreciate at some level.

*When it comes to thinking, size does matter. The size of a thought shapes the size of our life. Thoughts that are large, kind, and generous open our life to happiness. If they’re stingy and small, then life becomes suffocatingly narrow.

*Thoughts and beliefs that make us suffer cannot be trusted.

*Life is never about what we do; it’s about how we feel when we’re doing it. It’s never about what we hear; it’s about how we interpret what we are listening to.

*We may not be able to be endlessly happy, but we can always be infinitely grateful. It can be the most powerful constant in our life.

*When events cut our life and make it bleed, reach for the best in first aid. A little appreciation and gratitude for even the tiniest things can always make us feel just a little bit better.

*We are powerful when another’s intention to hurt us is deflected by our own wise knowledge of what drives him or her. Our greater insight makes for the coolest superpower in existence.

*We are born with holes in our perception. The power of a book, a person or a thought lies in their ability to mend these holes. When we change how we perceive something, the thing we see changes without anything having to change.  

*God can stand on one foot for all eternity and never lose its balance, but I think that staying eternally centered grew too boring, so it decided to create the human experience. Through us is how the Universe experiences imbalance. I know for sure that fumbling in the dark, trying to find our center is part of God’s plan.

​

May 2022

​

“Nothing can happen, nothing can occur in your life which is not a precisely perfect opportunity for you to heal something, create something, experience something, that you wish to heal, create or experience in order to be Who You Really Are”

Donald Neale Walsch

 

I don’t believe in a Random Universe...in other words, I don’t believe that things just happen by accident, by chance. I try and get people curious to see beyond what they often consider bad luck. It sounds like I’m defending the Universe when I use the argument that things happen for a reason, but the truth is I truly believe everything that comes to pass in our life, from the ruined Christmas dinner to the freak accident is there providing an opportunity, forging a path of learning and growth unique for each of us.  

 

What if you opened up to living your life as though there is rhyme, logic and potential learning behind every single minute of your day, regardless of what that moment brings. What if behind everything that has ever happened or will ever happen in your life, no matter how insignificant, disappointing, or inconvenient there was hidden potential and possibility?  

 

What if we opened up to believing that all those maddening outcomes, those tiny worst-case scenarios that occur during a 24-hour day manifested for reasons that are seldom obvious, but always there. And that these too, have the potential and possibility to bring some unexpectedly good things and some hidden blessings, and although we may never see them, it doesn’t mean they are not there.

 

We tend to sweat the small stuff, the mishaps that can seem more like the evils of life, but what if we could open our hearts to believing that nothing is what it seems. A sleepless night could be God keeping you awake, not so you can devote yourself to worry or anger but to give you an opportunity to meditate, count your blessings, have an honest conversation with yourself, pray your heart out, write in a journal, or get up and look at a gorgeous moon.

 

Falling and injuring our leg or hand could be exactly what needed to happen in order to motivate us towards greater mindfulness and gratitude. Walking on crutches or the inability to use our right hand are powerful reminders of how much we take for granted and how much we owe our body, the one which never seems to measure up to our expectations, but somehow keeps us going year after year.  

 

A cancelled vacation can be disappointing. But it’s also a good time to practice our power to change a negative attitude into a more positive one and rise to the occasion by making the best of things. Don’t exclude the possibility that plans gone awry sometimes protect us from harm. Maybe that cancelled trip prevented you or a family member from contracting some tropical disease or prevented an unpleasant experience from happening. You assume that the fantastic vacation you planned would have been fantastic, but the truth is you really don’t know…

 

Missing our flight because we overslept or running late for work because we could not find clean clothes are examples of annoying situations that can put us in a bad mood and start our day off badly, but what if that bad start was a good thing…what if we opened to the possibility that the missed flight was simply the Universe deciding we needed to chat with a stranger on the later one or deciding we needed the opportunity to practice patience. What if being late for work actually saved your life because had you been on time you would have ended up in a car accident that landed you in the emergency room. Sound crazy? You would be surprised.

 

Sometimes faith is believing that although the Universe or God, (or whatever name you like to call that which is greater than us), may appear to disappoint your hopes and ruin your plans, it does so, not because it doesn’t like you, not because you were born unlucky, but rather because it does like you and knows your soul’s agenda better than you do.

 

Fate, dressed up as misfortune, heartbreak, and annoying life situations we would rather not experience, is not always what it seems. First impressions can be so deceiving. Ugly outcomes can be a good thing if we resolve to put them to good use. That resolve is what often makes us stronger. Infidelity, infertility and illness can be initially mistaken for defective and godless things, but our own resilient need to grow, to make lemons out of lemonade, can do a fine job of stripping away their ugliest layers and with time, reveal a beautiful blessing.

 

When we change what we see, what we see changes…If you can learn to ask your higher self with curiosity instead of blame, why something happened to you and then opened up to believing that every dumb, embarrassing, sad, scary, hurtful, unfair, irritating thing that happened had meaning and purpose, then you could see your life differently, in a better, wiser way without the past or present having to change. 

 

3/2022

THOUGHTS ABOUT REGRET

​

Regret can be responsible for so much of our unhappiness, because it’s so often wrapped up in guilt, blame, sadness and anger. What I know for sure is that letting go of a little regret can open so much space in our heart for a whole lot of peace. 

The part of ourselves that experiences regret often feels cheated out of that better ending. It’s the voice that blames us for the choice that left us feeling hurt or guilty, that reminds us of what we let slip away; the child we lost, the future that didn’t happen.

 

It’s hard to make room for our future when we’re too busy regretting the past. Thoughts like, if we could turn back time, shut down the present moment and make it more difficult to move forward, to feel confident about our ability to make good decisions.

Regret comes in pairs. What we chose and what we did not. When what we chose leaves us feeling sad or disappointed, we are tempted to romanticize the choice that got away.

 

If that plan or partner, we’ll call A lets us down, we can spend our whole life thinking that if only we had chosen B, we would have been happier and more fulfilled. Regrets make our choices so blatantly wrong, and what we didn’t choose so obviously right, but the truth is we can never know for sure.

 

What we regret today could turn out to be tomorrow’s great decision because in the end, what your mind judges today as stupid, it may well consider smart, or for the best, 20 years from now.

Many older people, in their final days, claim they have no regrets. The, if onlys, of adolescence, middle age and later years disappear as they choose to remember only the wisdom and experience all their choices brought them. However, I would encourage you not to wait until you are old to realize that all your decisions, words and deeds, the good and the not so good, all serve a purpose if they help you grow into a better, wiser person. But until you choose to let go of regret, that wisdom and learning may escape you.

 

It's not enough to survive all the choices you regret; you can mindfully decide to thrive, despite them and maybe, because of them, because of what they taught you. Regret can hurt, but if we use that hurt to learn, to forgive ourselves and others, to let go of disappointment, guilt, anger, and blame, that hurt, that sadness heals.

Regret like everything else, is a choice. And it is a choice that can keep you stuck in could have done or should have done thinking.

 

If you are not mindful, regret can keep you stuck in those if onlys. So, the next time, you find yourself thinking if only I… turn these words around so that they sound more positive to you. Here are some examples below…

 

If only I hadn’t said that…Only if I decide to let go of the blame and guilt in my heart can I stop them from continuing to punish me and instead, allow them to remind me to do better next time, to be more mindful of my words.

 

If only I had not done what I did…Only if I learn to stop punishing myself with regret can I learn to view all my decisions not as right or wrong, but as lessons in disguise.

 

If only I had not decided to… Only if I choose to live without fearing my own self condemnation, criticism and blame can I experience true freedom and feel safe enough to love myself no matter what I choose.  

 

If only I had been a better parent…Only if I become compassionate and forgiving of my flaws and failures as a parent can I begin to realize that my mistakes can help my kids become better parents and teach them to forgive themselves when they fail their own children.

 

If only I had had better parents…Only if I understand that I can benefit and learn just as much from a poor example as I can from a good one, can I one day, be thankful for their mistakes.

 

When you choose to make peace with every unwise word, behaviour and thought you regret, you feed a resolve to let go and move forward, wiser than ever.

 

 

9/21 THOUGHTS ABOUT GRIEF ...                                                   

 

There are millions of people who are experiencing the grief and longing of losing a loved one to Covid-19, other serious illness, or unexpected tragedy. Whatever, the reason, you are all experiencing the same lesson:

 

Learning to miss a loved one who is no longer with us, is an Art. I call it the Art of Missing...I think missing is the privilege of the happy few who experienced a love so wonderful that they feel its loss. And if you asked yourself this question...Is that sense of longing worth the price of that privilege and blessing? I think many of you would say yes.   

 

Mindful grieving is about observing our sorrow, observing that missing sensation when we look inside us and feel the emptiness and longing there.The part of us that observes is the part that fills us with compassion and respects that moment. The gentle, loving, compassionate and wise observer in us allows us to honor the sorrow, the emptiness, the loss, the missing so that we don't drown in our unhappiness and grief. 

 

I hope you stay mindful so that grief does not make you lose sight of everything that is not loss and closes your heart to other experiences, to the lightness and pleasure of other emotions, even in moments when the longing is there...so that grief and loss do not monopolize your life.

 

Keep your mind, body and heart open to the potential for happiness, so happiness knows where to find you....So that grief forgets to define you or govern your life or impede you from feeling the potential and possibility that is always present in every moment to feel grateful, appreciative, blessed, peaceful, content... to cry from laughter not sadness...

 

 

 

1/2021 THOUGHTS ABOUT FEAR…

 

Fear is the body’s weapon of choice because it is what our primitive brain uses to keep us alive and help us survive. The Worrier in you lives in the fight or flight control center of your brain, the Amygdala. The Worrier is the Warrior in you, fighting to keep you safe from the tigers in your life…

…Your brain, your nervous system cannot tell the difference between a negative memory, a terrible boss, lots of unpaid bills, punishing self-talk, cranky, critical, unruly loved ones, a failing business, a health challenge…(you get the picture) and a TIGER. And sometimes the tiger roaming around in your head can make no sense at all because fear is not about logic, it is about perception, and perception can make the irrational seem very real in our body. 

 

The Work involves teaching the Warrior Worrier within that unless there is an immediate emergency like an actual tiger chasing you, a more relaxed state is more apt to provide solutions and protect you than panicking. There may be times when fleeing is the appropriate thing to do, but in practical terms, in our day to day life the kind of threats our brain perceives as such are dealt with far more effectively with weapons other than with fear and worry…because the truth is, in most cases calm protects far more than fear.

 

Even in emergencies, you are often advised to exit in a rapid but orderly fashion…exiting in fearful chaos is never a good plan. During the Age of Covid I think it’s about doing our due diligence (following the recommended guidelines), while remaining mindful and observant when our Warrior Worrier wants us to go into hypervigilant mode. Taking the fear out of the caution is easier said than done, but with the right tools and practice, the subconscious mind starts doing just that…

 

Chronic fearfulness, whether its second-hand fears (those you feel on behalf of others) or your own may become too much to handle in the long run for any Warrior…because as threatening and large as the tigers in your own backyard may be, those you believe are threatening your loved ones can be twice their size.

So it’s no wonder your Warrior Worrier may be feeling exhausted…so thank her for all she does…

 

As humans we tend to overestimate the strength and size of our tigers and underestimate the strength and size of our resilience and ability to handle them, perhaps because we are wired to nurture doubt rather than faith. But also, because I think our own Warrior Worrier is usually too stressed out and overwhelmed to convince us she can effectively deal with it all, and because when we are tired even a mouse can seem unduly threatening. 

 

The Work is about repeating and reinforcing the change you are creating with more powerful weapons intended to keep you safe…among them, self-hypnosis, mindfulness, mindful relaxation, tapping, and new, more empowering beliefs. It is about learning tools that turn our perception around so that those illogical tigers can change into harmless cats. These weapons protect far more than fear because they keep you safe from the negative consequences that chronic fear can have on your mind-body and help you deal far more productively and powerfully with any tiger.

 

You can show your Warrior Worrier how effective these weapons can be by wielding them in your imagination where real change is created and in real life so she can observe you and learn…your Warrior Worrier may operate beneath the level of conscious awareness, but she is always observing you…

 

Now, the Warrior Worrier may need a little convincing at first because she has had a strategy firmly in place, after all, she is wired for fear, not relaxation and mindfulness so getting her to accept and use all these new weapons may take a little time. Then again, she may surprise you and embrace them more readily than you think…that’s where doing self-hypnosis and listening to the hypnosis recordings come in… and something else…

 

There is an all knowing, infinitely wise, limitless power in you…Connecting with it every-day is essential because your Warrior Worrier needs a Powerful Assist to keep those tigers relaxed and comfortable. The human experience is not about getting rid of all your tigers completely; it’s about learning to deal with those tigers, make them smaller so they don’t overtake your life with overwhelm. It’s about realizing that just because they are present doesn’t mean you can’t make room for happiness, security and as many empowering emotions as you can create.   

 

Mindful awareness is a powerful thing as you will learn; it allows you to stay mindful of their presence, while allowing you to feel free and relaxed enough to experience all the wonderful things that come your way, because fear often blinds us to the joys that are in plain sight and keeps us from creating the reality we want. It allows you to drop beneath life situations and experience what lies beneath, a powerful awareness that is separate from them.

 

The Work involves learning to give ourselves the emotional resources we need, in real life and in our imagination where real life is also created. Emotional resources such as strength, courage, resilience, and faith are especially important because the Warrior Worrier must be supported and cheered on, especially when she stumbles and falls. This is why connecting with your higher self, your goddess, God, wise advocate, the Universe (however you choose to perceive the power that is you and yet so much grander than you) is crucial. Because that’s the purest, highest source of powerful resilient strength…

 

It’s unfair to expect your Warrior to slay tigers and threats almost non-stop without paying a price. It’s unreasonable to expect Warrior Worrier to go at it alone with only fear to sustain her, BECAUSE FEAR AS AN UNCONSCIOUS STRATEGY IS NOT SUSTAINABLE; OUR BODIES WERE NOT CREATED TO BE FEARFUL 24/7. Fear is not a weapon she should rely on exclusively, so you need to give her other weapons…other ways to deal with all those tigers.

 

My intention for all my clients is the following…

I want to help you teach your Warrior Worrier how she can protect herself in ways that empower her, not deplete her and find more joy in the present moment.   

 

Riding out our life situations perfectly and without floundering is not always realistic because we were created perfectly imperfect.

 

I believe we cannot experience ourselves as powerful beings if we start out as perfect. The whole point of life is to experience the floundering, the doubt, fear, uncertainty and yet still find the resilience to dig deep and help Warrior Worrier experience her power when she forgoes fear and chooses strength and courage in its many forms…as compassionate understanding, mindfulness, non-judgement, wisdom, forgiveness, and a resolve to move on.… 

 

As you do The Work you teach Warrior Worrier that fear depletes and there are better strategies to conserve her strength, protect and keep you both safe. You empower her and help her find more happiness in the present moment.

She may not be able to save the world, but she can save you one moment at a time…

 

4/2020

During this challenging situation virtually everyone of us is experiencing uncertainty and fear.  Our sympathetic nervous system is switched to the ON position and none of us really know when it will be safe to switch it off. Stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline are preparing us to fight the enemy. Our enemy? The Covid-19 virus, of course. It’s the tiger in our front yard that will not leave so long as our livelihoods, our way of life and our health continue to feel threatened. And if you listen to the news daily there is plenty to make us feel scared.

 

What many do not realize is that when you imagine all the worst-case scenarios in your head, your body does not realize that these are not happening for real. As far as it is concerned, the tiger is now in your home and is ready to pounce.

The problem with being in survival mode is that our body is channelling precious resources that can be used to keep us healthy into keeping us alive. All the extra energy that goes into making more cortisol that can help us outsmart the tiger means that there is less available for making DHEA for cellular repair, or for optimal digestion, creativity etc..

 

If the worst should happen and we catch the virus all the stress and worry beforehand about the possible physical and economic impact will already have done plenty to weaken our immune system. The irony is that when we become too fearful about catching the virus, we weaken the very thing we need most, our immune system. This is why during times like this, it becomes so important to learn how to activate the body's relaxation response through breathing techniques, meditation, EFT, visualization and self-hypnosis. 

​

Obsessing about the terrible things that are happening now and could happen to us or our loved ones in the future is not the most productive way to face our worst fears, but neither is suppressing them or distracting ourselves by overeating, getting panicky or restarting bad habits. But how do we confront our worst fears without becoming them?  Below are things that can help us navigate this situation and manage uncertainty a little bit better.

 

SELF-HYPNOSIS

 

Self -hypnosis is a great tool; we can use it to feed positive, constructive suggestions to our mind and body, more specifcally to our immune system. It's important to phrase these suggestions correctly. There are times when boosting our immune system may not be the best option if it is already overactive. An over eager immune system may not be the answer, on the other hand, a sluggish immune system may not do us any favors if we have an infection that needs it to work a bit harder. When it comes to our first line of defense, balance is key. So suggestions should be about encouraging it to work in an optimal, perfect way.  Calmly and wisely. The body has its own innate intelligence which I believe can help guide the immune system in a flexible manner, adapting its' strategy in order to effectively deal with invaders.

​

 

HAPPY ENDING EXERCISE

 

In Quantum Physics there is a concept called the Observer Effect. Essentially it means that whatever outcome is most “observed” is the one that has the greatest probability of happening. But how do we observe something that hasn’t happened? In our imagination, of course.

One of the ways you can switch your body back to rest and repair mode, and do your part to collapse the outcome you want is this great exercise:

 

Every time you start thinking about all the bad things that may happen, catch yourself, close your eyes and for at least a minute, fantasize, really put all your senses into creating a scene about the outcome you want to manifest. For example, getting that financial aid package for your business, surviving the crisis in good health.

​

Charge this scene with really positive emotions like gratitude, relief, happiness, love. This is crucial because it’s higher emotions that provide lift off to your desires. Imagining without emotion is like plugging a phone into a socket that won’t work.

Every time your mind goes into worst-case scenario mode or you start feeling helpless instead of in control, hopeless instead of hopeful, fearful or angry at your particular situation, do this exercise. That may mean doing it countless times a day. Sometimes when we most need to focus on hope and envisioning a best-case scenario is when we least want to do it. Often because things can seem so hopeless and our worries about the future so real. But do it anyway, do it for the physical and emotional health of your body. This exercise will give it a much-needed reason to inwardly smile, relax and go off survival mode, even for just a few minutes a day.  

​

MINDFULNESS

 

Struggling with the “what is” of this global crisis and its financial impact only adds to our suffering. Accepting means coming to terms with it. We don’t have to like it; we just have to feed a determination to get through it as best we can, accepting that our best will vary from moment to moment. Are there going to be moments when we will be tempted to go into despair and panic? Probably, so instead of judging ourselves, let us watch ourselves doing it. As author, Eckhart Tolle, would say, Watch the Thinker. When we observe ourselves becoming scared it takes the edge off our fear. Mindfulness keeps us from becoming lost in uncertainty and fear.

 

BREATHWORK:

 

Ordering our body to relax seldom works. The best way to do it is by using what we most take for granted, our breath. Yes, optimal breathing is key to staying mentally, physically and emotionally strong. There are lots of good breathing techniques that switch off the fight or flight response, help us release stored tension and turn on the relaxation response. You can google them, but here is my favorite:

Put a hand on your belly and imagine that inside it is a deflated party balloon. Take a nice slow and steady in breath and imagine that you are inflating this balloon. Wait a second or two and in a very measured way, very slowly exhale out through your mouth. The out breath should ideally be twice as long as the inhalation.

If you do this right, you will feel every joint and muscle relaxing and letting go of tension. To further enhance the effects, imagine for example, breathing in calm and exhaling fear. For example, as I exhale, I think the word, Safe.

You can also imagine that every out-breath is relaxing your body. For example, you can inwardly repeat, the better I breathe the more relaxed I feel and the more relaxed I feel the better I breathe. Breathwork acts like an internal massage. Pay attention to areas in your body that feel tense and send them deep healing breaths. Get creative. You can imagine breathing in calming healing light of any color and have it flow through your body like a gentle, cleansing river, helping you release whatever emotions you need to release out the soles of your feet (or any other exit point you wish) and into the earth.

Remind yourself daily that You are more than the sum of all your doubts and worries, stronger than the uncertainty surrounding you, more empowered than your external environment. Breathe in fortitude and exhale doubt.

​